2016 goals: Friends

After numerous toss and turn Sunday night (hence the expensive mistake on Monday), I briefly thought of some 2016 goals while still in consciousness.

I met a friend on Sunday, it has been 6 months since we saw each other. After catching up over a meal, we parted ways and she texted me "it felt really good to meet you. I enjoyed your sharing" with a smiley. Knowing her, I know she meant real. I had the same feeling too - it felt good to catch up and see her, particularly I was able to share what I know in the industry/hobbies that she's interested in (as a second career). I think I support whatever decision she is ultimately going to make (or not make).

And I admire her for her courage to find out what she likes, how she's going to endeavor to make something happen. I had those moments before (briefly), but have not gone around to the stage of trying it out. The look of wistfulness, the thought of other possibilities lying ahead, etc, all these seem to disappear the more I grow. Feelings that were once a part of your "daydreaming" now became 'unfamiliar', feelings that I would associate with a prerogative being young and carefree - have become wishful thinking.

There was something we had in common: we've both been "shielding" ourselves away from socializing/seeing anyone because of the fatigue we experienced in our day jobs. We both admitted that the Sunday night catch up was a pleasant surprise, and we had plans to meet again sometime soon (in a 3-6 months time frame). This gave me a pat on my back, in the sense "Yay! I'm still capable of making a good conversation", "Yay there's people who don't find  me boring". I'm learning to become a good listener, patiently wait for people to finish, and slow to make assumptions. (Did I say I'm type A?)

Most people tend to think others' jobs are better than theirs - certainly my job in their case, which is why I prefer not to talk about too much what I do, because it will sound bragging, or simply ungrateful. As in: "hey why are you whining when you are paid more than I was?". 

However with this friend on Sunday night, she totally understood. We both shared the same view: while we are paid reasonably (not a lot though), the stress level and the salary does correlate.  Even if the remuneration is good, it doesn't take away from the fact that a salary is supposedly not a 'shut-thou-up' money, we work hard to earn it, it's not like we sit and do nothing each day!

There is an ex-colleague who thinks: want to talk about working extra hours? Let's see who wins (longest hours). And I will say, sorry (not sorry!), but that's just WRONG. Extra hours is extra hours, it doesn't matter whether it's 30 mins or 3 hours. It certainly doesn't give him the right to dismiss the extra hours (that I worked) is not considered "extra" by any means (compared with his hours), and I'm not even interested in being the person who wins in having the longest hours. Sorry not in PJ's world :-)

Have you ever thought about one's friends change over with time? Once I heard someone said your friends/circle change every 7 years. I still haven't decided if it's an accurate description! But it makes you wonder once in a while...

Sometimes it's simple things like that makes you grateful in finding people who get what you mean. Without thinking in another way, might I add.

With that catch up being successful, I briefly had an idea of who I'll be meeting in 2016, and I'll be making a list. Will be taking the first step to initiate. Quantity is never the focus here, the goal is to make each meetup meaningful, by being "there" as a good listener.

(I am late this year in drawing up goals for 2016 - there might be separate posts to come, please bear with me - it's one of those things that you will 'get to you' when it does!)

Frugal things this week

Some frugal things I did this week:

- I replied to an email and got free ticket to an Art Show that is good for 2 plus a free drink;

- I borrowed a travel book from a friend who just returned from the destination, instead of buying it;

- Got a free book sent to my way (thanks January for posting about Mrs Moneypenny!);

- I gave away my free movie ticket to my relative who would have better chance of using it than me, I figured it won't be worth the cost if commute costs + time are taken into consideration;

- Asking a friend returning from UK to bring me back some toothpastes instead of asking for them to be shipped to me (yes it's a specific brand that I can't find locally);

- Asking same friend to get hold of a bottle of perfume from UK, and I paid 35% less than locally (Yes this might not sound that frugal at all. Yes I have a weakness!);

- Did not buy any food or snacks, still need to try harder to avoid going into the shops AT ALL

The free book pretty much made my day, knowing it's free, I even forgot about it after signing up, and I'll have fun reading books about financial management!

What frugal things have you done this week?

Career Talk

Over the past few days I've dabbled with the idea of taking up a post-grad degree. When I looked up the actual program that (1) could serve some purpose if I were able to have a career change, but (2) I don't have the slightest interest in the subject matter, the figure made my heart sank a bit. Getting past the cost factor, which I think was OK even though it exceeded my guesstimate, there are lots to think about.

The considerations were: interest, difficulty (course work), necessity/purpose, time and cost.

Personal interest was self-explanatory. It is also linked with difficulty, it's a degree which requires lots of readings and dare I say, exposure. There's also an exchange program linked in the degree but that's optional (seeing that some may have work constraints like I do), if they pick it there'll be additional costs there. As for necessity and purpose, well, if I've become a different person (in thinking), there might be good chance that I can get into a better position, but IT WILL BE / IT IS difficult to get in. There's no guarantee I can make it even after taking this degree. If I decided to take this degree, 2 years later I'd be facing an even more tricky situation: having spent time and money on the degree, should I go for it or not? 

I should probably add that the "better" position will mean a great change in my entire career lifespan. I would be working under (much) more stress, working more late, and be always, always on the go, like almost 24/7. And it's not just for a handful of years, it's the entire career span. Damned if you do, damned if you don't! There is absolutely nothing "better" about the better position except for the $$$. The goddamn $$$. More $$$ means more stress and responsibility, less freedom. Can I stand pressure? From my past experience, not very so. [Edited to add: There isn't any other benefits that I can identify to - those include getting to know the top tier seniors and networking and such - these don't add value / happiness to my life so I'm not counting it in the consideration of things.]

I think a post-grad degree might give me a sense of security in my current job, but does it have to be an over-achieving one? One that I need to pursue regardless of my interest in the subject? I doubt if I'd do well in a subject which I loathe. There are some happy mediums: subjects that I'm OK with but still not interested in, they cost cheaper and are linked to my job. On the other hand, the subjects I am interested in, they would not directly help my career either. But if I ever decided to take on a post-grad degree, shouldn't I pick something more multi-purpose (aka allowing me the chance to switch to an entire different position) besides adding qualification to my resume? Tough choice! 

The discussion went on with my dad and a relative of mine. The relative was of the opinion that I should go for it as I'm still young, if there's a time to take a chance, it's now. My dad, on the other hand said something more reflective - he said that a good career would follow me until 60 or 65, but a good family would follow me until the last day of my life. He was more of the opinion that I (a woman) should think about the future (what if) I decided to have children. He thinks I should choose whatever that makes me happy and comfortable. 

Ever had a burnout?

The other day I came across this article: How Not To Have a Meltdown in 2015

(Confession: OK I'll admit that I read the transcript, being a compulsive reader non-native English speaker that I am.)

The thing is, while reading this, it hit me that I might have experienced one, whether previously or lately, it didn't matter. A burnout may not necessarily result from work stress, it can be anything: family, too much (bad) news, etc. What it matters is acknowledging it and finding my place, even if that means I'm no longer the socializing character, even if it means I enjoy solitude more and more (honestly though, I suspect it has something to do with frugality and not hanging out as much as I used to with friends). 

If you're reading the article, please share your views here. I, for one, like to know how you cope with moments like that.

Monday is the new Friday!

I'm referring to "Super Mondays" promo which has recently caught my attention.

Apparently, I think the same as most people: Mondays = going home / not hanging out. The restaurateurs had come up with "Super Mondays" promo whereby you get BOGOF on main courses, to boost their on-site traffic. Some of them do Tuesdays as well, but you guessed it: none on Friday. However only the mid-end restaurants do this offer...wish more of them did.

So what does this mean for my newly found frugality*? DB and I are dining out on Mondays now instead of Fridays, it'll allow us to try more dishes without spending more, and not to mention to avoid the crowds on Fridays! Less queue, less crowded dining experience. Can't complain :-)

*I am fully aware that dining out is not "frugal" per se, but for our situation right now (we don't live together), so dining out when we hang out is mostly the case. If we're doing this anyway, why not make the best use of BOGOF offers?

2015 Personal development goals

Echoing a bit of health goals HERE and the library card post HERE, the personal development goals below also have something related to books and reading. I've put aside books, classes and learning for ages but I really enjoyed my undergraduate life. Too bad we all have to work to make a living.

Personal development:

1. Finish the magazine backlog
2. Read 3-5 books during the year, non-fiction and health books mostly
3. Make to-do lists every week, month and year to keep on track and do better planning mentally, financially and physically
4. Be surrounded by people who "do good"
5. Empower self

Goal (1): there are about 6 issues at hand. If you're interested, the magazine starts with an "M" and has about 150+ pages each...I love the quality of writing there and the variety of topics (travel! society! geopolitics!) but found that my reading rate was far lagging behind that I cannot catch up with the past issues, plus the subscription fee was too high (although quality matches with the price I'd say), this year I didn't renew the subscription and I have no plans to do that in near future. There's another quarterly mag (here if you're interested) that I'd like to subscribe but I didn't, owing to space (storage) issues and being the slow reader that PJ is (know thyself lol). It costs much cheaper and the quality of writing is still there, and its content is what I'd appreciate: getting connected with life, objects around you and nature, people, etc. It explores a different theme in each issue: on aging, hosting dinners, travel, farming, food.

Goal (2): I know the target 3-5 books is rather pathetic in numbers, but I"m aiming to start small here. I know very well what would happen if I target 10 books or 12 books a year, the reality is I wouldn't be able to accomplish that I(unless all are fiction books) and it'll make me feel bad. In high school I was told by my English literature teacher that I read too much fiction books (she guessed it by my writing style, lol) and she wanted me to spice things up a little by changing the genre I read. Non-fiction was hard and I didn't like it at first, but a year later I began to understand why she recommended that and I thanked her in my heart when I'm rushing for deadlines in my Uni essays.

Goal (3): Risking to sound I'm too micro-managing in every aspect, it's just to make things easier. I have drawn up a list of yearly events: Mid-autumn dinners, red packets for Chinese New Year, dental checkups and washes, insurance renewal, i.e. things that require tremendous effort like bleaching and wiping, or events that incur expenditures. Having this list at hand would help me have a better idea of the monthly budget, how much free time that month I would be, and how much breathing room I'd have (financially and time). Another good things about the list is, it basically works year after year with some minor tweaking.

Goal (4): Let's just say I'm surrounded by negativity and ungratefulness / asinine people particularly at work on a daily basis, 2015 I want to be surrounded by people who 'do good' and make good things happen to others.

Goal (5): It felt as if I've been in the backseat watching my life for so long (years), in 2015 I'd like to take the steering wheel again, metaphorically speaking. I wanted to pick up that 'can do, will do' vibe and that can be done if I can draw up weekly or monthly goals and taking baby steps to empower the self again and tell myself it's possible if I put my mind to it. Goal (5) is closely related to goal (3).

Family/Friends goals and career goals up next!

Christmas came (a wee bit) early!

I had parcels coming from Singapore and Sweden yesterday and on Friday, they were of course, from my dear friends! *claps and does happy dance*

They would always send beauty supplies to me, and particularly in December for my birthday. We would send stuff to each other a handful of times during the year, sometimes they come to visit me  in HK as well. Their kindness and generosity is way beyond anyone I know from daily life. The people I know/see/meet/work with day to day is none of the above, but the best people I know are not the ones I see day to day, isn't that ironic? It's one of my personal development goals (to be posted shortly) is to be surrounded by people who "do good", aka kind and helpful to others.

Back to the parcels, they sent me body lotion, cosmetics (lips and eyes stuff, tons of it), a hair mist, and a few items that I had on my secret wishlist, in fact I almost ordered them months ago but didn't. Here it is on my desk! I wonder how would they know?!

Anyways, it's always nice to have friends remembering you, I love putting stuffs together in a parcel send some RAOK (random act of kindness) back, it's fun! And, I thank god for these friends that I have.

Lucky Draw and (more) frugal entertainment

Christmas celebration went about at the office and we had a lucky draw every year. This year I got a box of chocolates. And I took some leftover whole fruit home :-) those will be eaten tomorrow. 

It was a nice day, although I would really want to win that electric kettle / cordless travel kettle (or any sort of kitchen appliance) / cash vouchers they had there! It'll be much more practical and healthy than having confectionery. 

The Nespresso Dolce Gusto coffee maker isn't my cup of tea though, because I don't particularly like coffee (drink only a handful of times a year), and because you have to keep buying those coffee capsules to feed into the machine (and they aren't cheap)! Now that's not anywhere near frugal to me :-)

To be honest each of us paid something for the celebration, but it's nice to be able to take something home and not just the food we had at the celebration.

A colleague handed me 2 free movie tickets, which would be frugal entertainment for the weekend! I checked the screening and unfortunately only tomorrow and Sunday morning showtimes are available (then it's off-screen for good), so I won't be making use of them :-( am looking forward to re-gifting it to someone else now. Very often when he gives out the ticket the showtimes and locations are already limited to a few. Since I'm not a retired person yet, it's hard to make use of these frugal fun things!

Frugal entertainment: Where's my library card?

Thinking about the trips next year, I dropped by the library during lunch the other day just to see what sort of travel books they have (and how new or dated). Holy molly, while not all are the latest editions, they do have quite a nice selection of travel guides there!

What remains uncertain is the travel dates and location, this depends on my parents mostly. We won't know until next year's spring.

I haven't been to the public library (or Uni library) for years, and I think I might be missing something, something frugal, something fun, something satisfying to the mind and soul :-) It's time to renew my library card and get borrow some books to read. I still have some books I bought long ago (and those that kept sitting on the shelves) with pages un-turned. 

There's this one book I kept reading the first 20 pages and left it aside, when I picked up I re-read the 20 pages and then stopped, this has repeated several times. (And I'm still on page 20 if you want to know)

Over to you, do you stay on course with one book until you finish it? Or read a few books at the same time? And what do you read mostly?

Out and about, frugally!

Met up with a friend for brunch, we haven't seen in almost 1.5 years I think! It was nice catching up, I also redeemed my free movie ticket since I arrived early (but I forgot to pick up another birthday gift from a dept store...). Anyhow the meetup was positive and I felt good about connecting with friends (haven't felt this for a while). The best part was the whole bill got 30% off, lol because the protests had been driving the businesses awry so they gotta do something to keep customers coming in - good news for us! 

Last week I mentioned my friend and I would go clothes shopping...well I said I would abstain from this. I didn't leave with my hands empty BUT, I did much better than previous visits. In the past I would have left with 8-10 items back home but today I got only 2 :-) the best part was, they only costed me US$15 for 2. I don't know if it was the horror of purging my closet, the piles of clothes in my room, or that I have become too old to battle with other shoppers in the tiny but dense mall. My friend and I both felt the same - in the past we would still be energetic at the end of the visit (4 hours later) and today my shoulders felt like they're going to break down after an hour. Plus, the clothes in the mall no longer intrigued me, I either find them too "fast fashion" (short lifespan in the closet), taking up space in the closet, or just not top quality. Anyhow this is good news for me. I kept delaying this visit with friend (she suggested back in October), and I can see that we won't be needing such a visit until half a year or more later. 

The 2 items I got are: a functional skirt + legging one-piece, and a long-line black cardigan with neon pink trims, both US$7.5 each. I turned away from shoes, bags, tops, anything really. The skirt + legging piece would fit with any top, cardigan, or hoodie on top so this will be a staple bottom piece. Am OK with that. I could have skipped the long-line cardigan to be honest though!

Also picked up some soft gummies, oh god I felt like a kid at the candy / snacks store. I happily went home with a 500g of pick 'n' mix gummies. *eats one* Oh penguins, hearts, mangoes, grapes, all shapes and sizes. *eats another* Guess how much 500g costs? US$1.5, now I just need to keep my grubby hands away from the bag. I picked up some dish detergents on the way home, that's US$1.8 for 2 bottles, a house brand of the grocery store (no frills).

I had chunky mushroom soup for dinner -  first time having soup for an entire meal! I used canned cream of mushroom soup (expired for 2 weeks but smells just fine! lol), bought a few mushrooms for US$1.2, added some faux crab sticks and it tasted amazing. I love mushrooms of any kind, and I love me a warm hearty soup. Oh I had a banana before the soup to fill up the stomach, or else my stomach would be screaming an hour later.

All in all, today was a good day :-)

It's not how much you earn, but how little you need

I was inspired by a local TV documentary (HERE if it works for you) which told a story of two men who had given up their jobs and live in nature. They are both uni-grads, who could earn from their profession and yet choose to retreat to a life of peace, non-materialism, happiness and simplicity. And before you ask, no, I don't intend to live in a homestead or retire right now, I won't eat what others have left at their fast food plastic trays (not even for the sake of wastefulness), I can't DIY nor make a fire out of the bush etc, but I appreciate a simple and happy life. Whether you aspire to live a life like theirs or not, there are certainly lessons for everyone in the logic/wisdom/principles behind.

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Here are a few memorable quotes:

"Why make ourselves busy? The goal of living a life is to be happy, peaceful and healthy"

"Aligning with nature / Getting close with nature means meeting your own needs and NOT harming the natural environment"

"City dwellers have lots of resources but are lacking in consciousness, thinking if they have the money they can throw away things at their disposal. Being rich has nothing to do with wastefulness"

"I eat leftover food from others not because I"m poor but because I want to reduce the burden to our Earth"

"It only gets more ironic when the stuff/junk I pick up from others' unwanted trash is getting newer and newer. Why do we dump things that are so new? I haven't bought any new clothes for 10 years, but I could find brand new clothes from others' trash (still in bags/tags)"

"Wearing clothes is not about satisfying others' sight / eye pleasure"

"Happiness coming from consumerism or shopping is a pleasure that puts the earth's resources on expense"

"I never ask how much I earn per month, but ask instead how little I spend"

"The less you own, the more freedom you have because you don't have to worry. I don't ask everyone to do the same but I challenge myself how little I can live on.

"I consider myself rich since I have the right and freedom to choose the way of life I want"

"Simplicity means not to let MONEY have control over TIME, nor control over what we DO"

"I do DIY home-perfecting projects and am not bounded by time. I wait for the materials to come, sometimes it means waiting to find it in the trash or waiting for people to give them to me, I see it as a training for Patience"

"City dwellers tend to think that money solves everything, hence they make themselves busy because of Money. I don't busy myself for Money, I use my brain to solve problems (life), hence I'm not bounded by money nor am I a slave for money"

"A life of simplicity is an attitude, it does not a definitive standard. You don't have to live on an island. It doesn't mean you have to burn the wood logs to get fire to cook, you just reflect on your life (how far you've come) and take the opposite direction"

"Living in nature doesn't mean not spending a dime on anything, it's about avoiding unnecessary consumption, purchasing it in the greenest manner (bringing our own containers when buying food). We don't refute civilization, we're just don't want to create wastefulness (plastic grocery bags and packaging)"

"I don't think my way of life is 'bitter', in fact it is the city dwellers' way of life being 'overly sweet' (saturated with materialism and its abundance)"

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Please allow me to say that I haven't been touched or felt moved by a documentary for a very long time. The last time was probably about polar bears losing their homes in the arctic, starving and died because they are forced to move somewhere they're not familiar with. 

"How do I want my life to be?" is a fundamental question for me, unfortunately it's not an easy one to answer either. Too many people have lived their lives in a breeze and chase after things that they don't intend to, at the end they might not get anything they want from it - because most of the times they haven't even looked and asked themselves what do they want from it? Sure, life gives everyone their share of sh*t now and then. ..Anyhow this is a reminder of why I need to live my life with a clear purpose (aka consciousness above everything I do). I hope my life would be more than just working and spending money on various things in life "mindlessly", and those things might mean nothing to me at the end!