Just as I was drafting up the budget for 2015 (and January's to be exact), a colleague popped in and invited me to her wedding banquet! Unfortunately to us Chinese, it means that I have to sip in a bit of money (and not little anyway, it could mean anywhere between US$65-100!) should I decide to attend!
Then, as if it's not enough news for the day, another colleague (a senior) would be leaving and there would be a farewell lunch as well! I was thinking "no I won't go..." until a colleague said she thinks we should go. BAM!! Another dollar note went away from my pocket literally!
Part of me kept telling myself that it's essentially a "career capital / socializing" thing and while it's not very desirable expenses, it can't do any harm for my career. But my major gripe is that I hate not to be able to control little things like that! You know, those things where you just HAVE TO and there's no way around it. (Not to say the least, my colleagues are a mixed bunch - imbecile, arrogance, boastfulness, ingratitude, and even some truly naive enough to listen to the endless crap they boast about. I don't give any responses to their boastfulness unless it's something really ground-breaking which is, none at all. Yep, that's PJ. PJ believes you shouldn't reinforce those people and it's not my job to make them feel good about themselves that certain way.)
Money aside, I don't enjoy sitting at a banquet with guests I don't know and being stuck for a dinner for HOURS and eat at the same table with strangers. The most sensible choice I"ve heard (from an oddly wise old lady) was, throw them the money and spend the time your own, i.e. give what you have to pay but don't waste your time there. Because time is finite and money can be earned again. It's bad enough to give money away but even worse if you lose the time as well. Even though it's socially/politically impolite to highlight this fact, but HOW WISE IS HER COMMENT! Spot-on.
But seeing that a few of the colleagues would probably go, and it's been a long time since I last attended a wedding banquet which might be nice to catch up with what the banquet craze these days are about, and it would make me look better socially and politically VS. if I chose not to show up (yet still pay for the banquet). I reminded self to remain "cordial but distant" from colleagues (not to get too close or too friendly) so that they won't think of me whenever they need funds via the form of weddings/banquets/casual lunches out everyday. So far that has been successful? Until today.
With these unexpected expenditures arising, I'd be trimming the "eating out" money for January as well as December. I have budgeted for the "eating out" money to cover the office lunches occasionally but "invitation to banquets" are not covered normally, and I don't see why I have to give them a place there, maybe I should budget for it from now on. Stubborn moi? No?
You might feel that some of these costly social occasions would be a good investment career-wise. On the other hand, it should be possible to say politely "I'm afraid that's beyond my budget". One advantage of growing older is that you worry less about what other people think!
ReplyDeleteHi saraband!
DeleteI agree that as we get older, we worry less about what others think - I definitely took a change in this direction during the past year or so, given how things have become tough.
But there are still somethings that I cannot totally ignore or decline (given my junior position and age), as there is a long road ahead before I retire. I've definitely trim out the "unnecessary" or "unwanted" outings such as everyday lunch with colleagues though!
Thanks for dropping by :)
Having worked with some Chinese colleagues, I have heard all about the famous banquets :-) They are hugely expensive and even more so if you are part of the family.
ReplyDeleteI disagree somewhat with saraband. Choose your battles when it comes to what functions to attend. You don't need to attend all of them but you do need to attend some when you work in a corporate environment. You need to also consider the culture of your workplace - especially if you are on the younger side because you are less influential. If you want to rise to the top, don't alienate people or avoid everything because people will (sadly) think you don't like them, or think that you think you are better than them, etc. Just pick wisely and it is OK to say that you are saving money for a/b/c or that you can't afford to do everything.
Finally, be realistic. These things will come up every single year. It could be a wedding banquet or something for a newborn baby or a farewell party etc. Look at realistic prices/costs and set an annual budget for it. If you don't spend it all one year, great. But having it there will make you feel somewhat better. Then you just need to tap the account when you need it and don't think about it any further. But when you attend a lunch or party, use the time wisely. Chat with everyone, circulate, circulate, circulate - have sincere conversations and build that career capital.
~ Pru
Hi Pru!
DeleteYour understanding is correct - if the parties getting married wishes to have a blast, they would hold a fancy (and expensive) banquet at the top hotels. This is not what I want to do, of course :-) but it does make a burden on the guests to fork out more money in return! We're talking about at least 100 USD per guest. I think it's hugely unfair because why the guests have to help the newlyweds to pay for something they want to "feel good about"?
That aside, I totally agree with you that being more choosy when deciding to attend the many socializing outings/meals/gatherings or not. I easily forgo (it was difficult to get over at the beginning) everyday lunches out with my colleagues since I bring my own lunch, sometimes I'd join them but not that many times really.
For colleagues' farewell, I did factor in the cost under "eating out" in my monthly budget. But I prefer not to spend it if not absolutely necessary (aka if I'm not really familiar with that colleague), and such is the case this time! That colleague is a tad senior than me and unless I take a day off on that day claiming I have something to do, otherwise it'd make me look bad when my peers are going and I'm not. So I felt "forced" to go in a way...but there's nothing I can do about it.
You're right about if i'm working in a corporate world - mine is not really corporate and rather conservative in terms of promotion and getting a raise. However the points you made are very true and applicable still.
I really don't like them nor socializing with them LOL I used to be comfortable in socializing and chit chatting but now as I get older I think why do I have to make myself unhappy every time doing so? It's suppressing my "inner" instinct / preferences (i've become an introvert during the past 2-3 years) and just prefer to be quiet and do my own thing.
I'd take your advice and budget for those events besides office lunch/farewells in 2015. Thanks for your truthful advice about making good use of the time!!! Need to nail every opportunity!!